After ADHD Diagnosis: relief, grief, acceptance, and celebration
If you would like to dive in and learn more about ADHD on your own, here are some sources of information that have been very helpful to me:
Dr. Ned Hallowell’s books and website: drhallowell.com
Mel Robbin’s YouTube video on her ADHD diagnosis in her 40’s.
Dr. Gabor Maté’s book Scattered Minds and website: drgabormate.com
Dr. Melissa Orlov’s The ADHD Affect on Marriage book and blog: adhdmarriage.com
Dr. Judith Orloff’s The Empath’s Survival Guide, and website: drjudithorloff.com
Dr. Richard Schwartz’s book You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, and website: ifs-institute.com
I was diagnosed with ADHD (minus the Hyperactivity, but definitely with Hyperfocus) in my mid-50s, and it explained a lot about how I’ve chosen to live my life. My symptoms were amplified by the loss of estrogen as I entered menopause. There’s information on ADDitudemag.com about how estrogen levels affect ADHD, but much more research is needed on how it uniquely shows up in girls and women.
Girls are often underdiagnosed because their symptoms tend to be internal rather than the outward restlessness more commonly seen in boys. In “introverted” girls, ADHD is often dismissed as hormonal fluctuations, depression, or anxiety. Again, more understanding is needed about how ADHD manifests in women across the lifespan.
I’ve always needed to love what I do for work. It was never about money or climbing a certain career ladder—it was about feeding my brain the creativity and newness it craved. I needed a challenge, creative freedom, and constant learning to stay focused, energized, and engaged.
I used to leave jobs after I felt like I had learned what I needed and the challenge wore off. At the time, I thought I was simply following my intuition. Now I recognize I was also responding to the impulsivity and stimulation-seeking of my ADHD brain. And while I sometimes wish I had known all this earlier—maybe I would’ve stayed longer, pushed through the boredom—I’m also grateful. I followed my heart, my dreams, my calling. I “jumped off cliffs” many times and always landed somewhere meaningful. Today, I’m a coach with deep, varied experience to offer my clients.
With the diagnosis came a wave of awareness that unfolded in stages: first relief, then sadness, then acceptance, and finally, celebration.
The relief came from finally understanding why I’ve always felt like an outsider—why I made intuitive, impulsive decisions that didn’t fit a traditional mold. As a creative, I could get away with it. My family supported my non-linear path. I never felt pressured to marry, have children, or hold a steady job. For that, I’m deeply grateful.
Then came sadness. I wish I had this information sooner. Maybe I would’ve stuck with some jobs longer or deepened certain relationships. Maybe I would have navigated the inevitable inattention with more tools. I grieved some of the people and places I left behind. Melissa Orlov writes powerfully about how ADHD impacts relationships on adhdmarriage.com. That insight would’ve helped me, too.
Acceptance followed. I made the best decisions I could with the knowledge I had. And every new opportunity brought new growth. I don’t regret the paths I took.
And then, celebration. I see now that my ADHD brain’s appetite for stimulation and change gave me a rich and layered life. I’ve worked in small design firms, large corporations, university departments, grad school settings, and even ran a ceramics business. I’ve lived in seven cities and moved more than 20 times. It’s been an amazing ride, and I’m proud of it all.
Ultimately, my ADHD led me to coaching—a path that feels like both a revelation and a calling. It’s where all of my experience, insight, and curiosity come together to serve others.
Here are a few strategies I’ve developed—through coaching and self-study—that help me thrive with ADHD:
I committed to building a strong personal foundation while nurturing and learning about my ADHD. This includes ongoing research, reading, listening, watching, and participating in workshops and webinars. I’m letting my hyperfocus serve my growth.
I’ve been addressing the things I’ve tolerated in my physical space—clutter, laundry that never got put away, messy finances, and yes, a collection of dresses I’ve gathered (hoarded?) over 30+ years.
I spend time in nature. I unplug, walk barefoot, hug trees, breathe deeply, and garden. It grounds me.
I take care of my body, mind, and spirit—holistically.
I explore my creativity without judgment: journaling, blogging, photography, video-making, ceramics, and drawing. I move between them freely, giving myself permission to flow.
If this resonates—especially if you're navigating menopause or wondering about ADHD—I’d love to hear from you. Coaching gave me a brave, safe space to sort through the ideas that race through my mind. I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation. Reach out when you’re ready.