Building a relationship with yourself

A client came to me with, “I want to find a job that I really love.”

Most people hear that and immediately move to strategy: update the résumé, rewrite LinkedIn, apply to roles that light you up, reach out to your network. All good next steps.

I pause with, “I want to find a job that I really love.”

This sentence is a trailhead. Before we decide where to go next, I want to understand what lives underneath it.

So I ask, “Who is speaking?”

There might be a part that knows something is no longer working at the current job. This part may feel tired, restless, frustrated, or quietly unhappy. It may want more meaning, more freedom, more creativity, more peace, or simply a life that feels more like its own.

That is rarely the only voice.

There may also be a part afraid of leaving a known position. A part that believes wanting more is selfish. A part that says you should be grateful for what you have. A part that learned success means security, not fulfillment. A part that is deeply attached to being competent, needed, or recognized.

I think of it like standing at the entrance to a trail in the woods. You know you want to go somewhere different, but before you start walking, you stop and look around. Some paths are clear and familiar. They are the well-worn routes you have taken before: work harder, be more responsible, push through, stay where it is safe.

Other paths are overgrown. They have been there all along, but they have not been walked in a long time. These are the paths that lead toward the parts of you carrying old beliefs and protective strategies.

Sometimes protectors stand at the entrance of those paths, doing their job by keeping distance between you and what feels too vulnerable, too uncertain, or too painful to face alone.

We do not force our way in; we get curious first. What is this part trying to protect? How long has it been carrying that responsibility? What does it believe would happen if you changed jobs, asked for more, slowed down, or chose differently?

What looks like procrastination, indecision, or self-sabotage is often protection. The goal is not to overpower that part, but to understand it.

My role as a coach is to walk alongside you as you turn toward those overgrown paths, so you are not doing it alone. We move with care, we listen for permission, not only from the part that wants change, but also from the protectors trying to keep the system safe.

Sometimes the system answers, “Not yet.” That is important information, too.

Often, the most powerful moment is when someone realizes they are not lazy, stuck, or failing. They are meeting a part of themselves that has been working very hard for a very long time.

Sometimes that part has been carrying its role in isolation, repeating the same job over and over, believing it has to keep protecting you because no one else is coming.

We help it realize that you are here now.

The work is not simply to find the next job. It is to reconnect with the part of you that has been trying to guide, protect, or warn you all along. When that part feels seen, appreciated, and no longer alone, something begins to shift. You are no longer reacting from the same protective place, and there is more room for clarity, choice, and trust in yourself.

And from that place, the question changes. It is no longer just, “How do I find a job that I really love?”

It becomes, “What is the life I am actually trying to build, and which parts of me are ready to help create it?”